Several business leaders in the Seattle area met for breakfast on a cold, wet day in mid-April. As each person shared a favorite negotiation war story, I jotted down a pearl of wisdom. What you have here are seven pearls of unconventional wisdom. These bits of advice were learned the hard way: Trial and Error! Because all of the folks at breakfast have hugely successful careers, and because not one of them took a negotiation class, I suggest you take them to heart. These pieces of advice gave them a negotiation advantage, and they’ll do the same for you.

Best Practice #1 – Get past needing to compete

Competition, while a part of the negotiation process, can destroy long-term relationships, which in turn can destroy your bottom line. Therefore, you must be able to balance competition against the desire to foster long term relationships.
 
Best Practice #2 – Get down to the real issue

Separate the real issue—the driving force of the negotiation—from the all the less important issues that take up time. People lose valuable time and money chasing after non-mission-critical issues.

Best Practice #3 — Know and use your leverage
 
Business people must know and use their leverage. Leverage is your ability to get a deal on your terms. If you want a deal on your terms, you must know and appropriately use your leverage.

Best Practice #4 – Don’t assume that people will act in rational ways
 
You cannot use rational arguments with people who have an emotional charge. It just doesn’t work. Address the emotional argument. If it is not your strength, then find someone for whom it is.
 
Best Practice #5 – Things are not black and white.

Americans in particular like to talk in terms of the “bottom line”, bullet points and principles. The reality of the situation is that what you are negotiating is not likely a black and white issue. There will be nuances and shades of gray.
 

Best Practice #6 – Don’t let bad things linger.

This piece of advice got the most laughs as they all remembered times when matters got really ugly. Matters just get worse the longer they linger. They don’t go away.
 

Best Practice #7 – Let bygones be bygones.

People make mistakes. People also do really stupid things, like denying responsibility for their obvious mistakes. For the good of business, it is wise to let bygones be bygones.
 

I’d like to thank the men and women who took time to attend the negotiation roundtable. Their contributions to negotiation best practices will help improve business to business relationships. 

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