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Step One:
Restate their words exactly as they said them
- It seems to me that you are saying . . .
- What I hear is . . . .
Step Two:
Ask clarifying questions
- What is your greatest concern here today?
- What bothers you the most about that suggestion?
- What about that is important to you?
- Tell me more about that.
- What does that look like to you?
- If you were in my shoes, what would you suggest?
Step Three:
Reframe their response in a way that will allow them to be heard and reflects their interests.
- I hear what you are saying. You are saying that _________ {positive statement} is important to you.
- I get it now. _________ {positive statement} is important to you.
Step Four:
Make a counter proposal. Now that you understand what the other person is trying to say, and the other person feels heard, s/he is much more likely to greet a counter proposal as an invitation to solve the problem.
- Now that I understand ____________ {positive statement} is important, what if we were to . . .
Example:
Their Position: You cannot use any information gleaned from your interviews in any written materials or in lectures at the university.
Restate: What I hear you saying is that it is important to you that I not use any information from any of my interviews in any written materials. Am I correct?
Clarify: What about my not using any materials is important to you?
Interests: _____________________________________________
Reframe: I hear what you are saying. You do not want me to violate your privacy, breach confidentiality or damage your image.
Counter Proposal: I understand that you want to protect your privacy, but what if I used pseudonyms and did not reveal any proprietary information about your company in my written materials etc? Will that work for you?